“You’re in my Head”

From my Diary.

There are at least two of “you” dancing around talking to one another in the back and forth dialogue of my perceptions, in my self conscious thought, and the sensitive receiver. the one who pushes and the one who gets pushed. so dramatic and so scared, yet so in pity of your fear. but then there’s you. 

you’re kind, and open, and charming. and you speak to me with the mind of an angel, you tell me that everything will be okay. that everything is safe. that this is my world as much as it is anyone else’s. you blur the lines, but then i come in and make them sharper. i try to see you, but i put myself in the way. i know you’re always here, because that’s what you always say. it’s just that i let myself get in the way, and then you become so far away. i want to be you. for more than a lifetime? because that’s why you’re here. 

you come in the form of being, as so aware of itself. it doesn’t matter what, when, why, or how. just that it is. that you are. you spawned with nature, the blankets provided by the space of your incoming. your resonance, you break the sound barrier and we hear you. your body is seen. and so you become. you learn to see yourself. to feel yourself, just as you feel us. you become independent. relying on yourself, but so much of that you already learned how to take care of. your heart. 

it lives.  

just as you do. so you are there. just as you are in your vision. so you are there. just as you are in your hearing. so you are in your feet. in the weight of your step. in the scent of our breath. or your palm in the earth. so you, are we. you are all. you are everywhere, in everything. 

which is why you can always find me. 

perched outside your vision. resting between your eyes. curled up in your stomach, the pain of life arising. the threat of your demise. you want to feel okay, so you seek to feel bad. you want to be adjoined, so you stick yourself out.

but when we listen? why do we stop? why do we think there’s a you we’ll always return to? is there? there’s the you of breath. you of body. you of spirit, interwoven, harmonizing all the time. awake. alive. alone. 

what more do you want to feel better about yourself? if you know that you are the only thing. why would i do any of it? be a writer, be a mind, be a poet, be a harmonizer of the divine kind... because that’s just what i do. that’s who i am - it’s me living through you. and you through me,  loving the things that i do. and i love you.